A Wound Never Closed

First and foremost, to our close friends we have not told yet, I'm sorry you are finding out this way.  Last week on Thursday night I took a pregnancy test.  To our surprise it was positive.  A completely natural pregnancy!  Scott had just gotten to New England two weeks prior and I knew if I was going to ovulate it would be then.  And we had missed each other obviously.  Well subsequently, we got pregnant and to repeat history for the 6th time I'm now miscarrying.  It's not really a surprise considering my "horrible" history, as my new nurse put it.  But it does bring up some serious issues.  We now know that obviously there is some serious underlying issue.  Every miscarriage, except our ectopic a couple months ago, has been between 4-6 weeks pregnant.  We know it's an implantation issue.  But we don't know where its coming from.  We are blessed to have some amazing insurance through my new employer that gives us access to some of the best specialists in the country.  God made no mistake by bringing us here.  (For those of you who don't know the news I was suppose to share a couple months ago was that we moved back to Scott's home of Boston, MA).  

So when we are ready, we will see a specialist.  But it brings me to the very frightening fact that no matter what "it" is, having a child for us will not be easy at all.  It hasn't obviously been, but now it's a whole new ballgame.  For those of you who are thinking, well why don't you just adopt?  You know, we could if we had $20,000 and we were emotionally prepared to give up our dream of bringing a child into this world biologically.  Maybe its selfish to think that way, but it's not fair to the child we would adopt if we did it and we weren't ready.  Which is why we ended up not adopting last year.  Because I knew I wasn't ready.

So for now we are taking it one day at a time and trying to comprehend where this might lead.  We are having some very challenging conversations about possible options that are now available to us and what we are okay with.  Please keep us in your thoughts and prayers as we begin to make some very difficult decisions.