3%....

Welp, they say that 3% of women have three miscarriages in a row....guess what?  I'm 3%!  I think I need to but a lottery ticket or something.  Then I could afford all this IVF treatment and now, to delve deeper, a specialist by the name of Dr. Braverman in NY suspects I have an immunological disorder that is preventing me from carrying a pregnancy.  The only issue with that is an initial consult is $650 over the phone.  He is a very bright and intelligent doctor so I understand, we just can't afford that at the moment.  I so want to see him though.  UGH I AM SO FRUSTRATED!!!!!  STUPID CHEMICAL PREGNANCIES!!!!  I'm so glad I can vent here.  I'm not sure if there are very many people who understand how frustrating this is...on top of IVF and all that, now this?  Seriously!?  I think I'm ready to make this blog non-anonymous soon.

The TWW

If you're not familiar with "infertility lingo" the TWW stands for "the two week wait".  Which is the two weeks following ovulation, or in our case an embryo transfer.  We just completed our 2nd round of IVF and we're waiting to find out the results.  At the end of the TWW you will know if you're pregnant...or not.  As for right now I am 9dp3dt.  Also more lingo.  Which means I'm 9 days past 3 day transfer.  Our embryos were three days old and that's when they transferred them back.  Since then 9 days have passed.  They ask you wait 14 until you test. 

Let me tell ya...2 weeks is WAY TOO LONG!  For a woman who's been trying to conceive for two years the next five days seem excruciating.  I honestly just want to know.  Our doctor transferred three embryos which is one more than the normal for someone my age.  But they weren't the "best looking embryos" as he said.  So in that case, the more the merrier!  We want some babies cookin!  For a little science lesson here is a picture of my babies.  Aren't they cute?!

So it's kind of hard to see but the one in the far upper right hand corner is the best.  The cells within the embryo are the same size and it is not fragmented.  When the cells divide sometimes they leave fragments like the one in the bottom left.  That one is the worst and is fragmented pretty badly.  Which brings me to my third pride and joy the middle child.  This embryo is "okay" not too much fragmenting but the cells are uneven in size.  And those two eggs that don't have any cells were not mature enough to fertilize.

And this is why our doctor put all three back in hopes that one of theses little babies would work.  So as you can see the waiting is torture!  We're praying very fervently along side a very close knit support group of family and friends that #2 is our time!  Very interestingly enough God gave me a verse a year and a half ago which was Hebrews 10:23 which you see at the top of my blog.  Well, in God's sense of humor way we are to find out if we're expecting on 10/23. 

God is good.  I'm praying expectantly for our little miracle or maybe even miracles :).  Here's to the next few days.  I'll keep you updated.

Where to begin?

I have decided to write this blog anonymously until I feel comfortable revealing my identity.  So for names sake I'll introduce myself as Jane and my husband is John.  

John and I have battled infertility for two years.  It's been excruciating and gut wrenching, something I wouldn't wish on anyone.  I knew initially something wasn't right.  I went of the birth control pill one year after John and I got married.  It was a task in itself to make that step forward.  

I remember growing up we had a service at my church to pray for infertile women.  I remember watching them walk up to the alter to get prayed for with tear filled eyes and angst in every step.  I remember thinking, "Lord please don't ever let that be me."  But for some reason it is.  

After going off birth control I had very irregular periods.  For six months things were absolutely unpredictable.  I'd go 23 days and suddenly my period would start and last for over 10.  Then the next cycle I'd go 38 and only have a period for three days.  So finally I'd had enough.  I went to my OB/GYN to figure things out.  If anything he'd help me regulate my periods, and hopefully get us pregnant quicker.  

I expressed my concern that yes, it hadn't been a year, but we had been trying for 6 months, and as a young couple I was worried.  He was very understanding and ran some tests on my husband and I.  I expected something would be wrong with me since my periods were so irregular.  But to John and I's surprise he had some issues too.  John's sperm analysis came back with a low count and low motility.  The doctor also said that some of them weren't even alive.  If you don't know sperm motility refers to the movement and swimming of sperm. Poor sperm motility means that the sperm do not swim properly.  So as you can imagine we were quite surprised.

Our OB/GYN said at this point it was "past his scope of practice" and referred us to a Fertility Specialist.  We are blessed in a very small town to have an excellent fertility doctor with over 20 years of experience.  We initially scheduled the visit for a couple months down the road, as the FS was very busy.  A couple weeks before the appointment John was hesitant to go.  I tried to talk him into it but we ended up canceling the appointment.  I was devastated.

We ended up rescheduling for a few months down the road.  At this point we had been trying for a year.  We met with the FS and I explained my irregular periods, John's sperm issues and my concerns.  Again, to our surprise we realized it wasn't just John.  It was both of us.  My irregular periods were caused by sporadic ovulation.  So much that my FS characterized it as "anovulation".  Which means I don't ovulate.

He recommended we try ovulation induction and so we complied.  We tried a drug called Femara for two months with no avail.  We decided to give it one more go.  All the while I kept in contact with my FS.  He suggested if we could fix one of our problems we may be able to conceive on our own.  But after three months he wasn't so sure.  

One afternoon he called me at work.  He informed me that women my age (mid 20's), that 95% of them would be pregnant by now.  He assured me that we could keep taking the Femara month after month, and he was okay with that.  But suggested that we consider IVF with ICSI as an option.  ICSI stands for Intracytoplasmic Sperm Injection.  The FS injects a single sperm into the egg and creates an embryo, rather than letting the sperm fertilize on its own.  He suspected John's sperm may have trouble penetrating my eggs.  As he has other sperm issues it was very likely.  So we decided if this final round of Femara didn't work we would move on to IVF w/ ICSI.  And Femara, yet again did not work.

We are now on our 2nd round of ICSI and for time's sake, I will write more about our lovely endeavors of ICSI later.  Keep updated because this part gets good :)

Sincerely,

Jane