Anxiety

Looking back on our last miscarriages I remember feeling sadness and all the normal things you would feel with a loss of your unborn baby.   However, this time, I am very anxious, all the time, but some moments are worse than others and it seems to heighten my sadness in certain moments.   For instance, Scott and I decided to do further testing with a different provider.  Out of respect to the provider we've been with I called them to let them know what has happened in the past week and what our immediate plans were.  I didn't expect them to agree (I knew they wouldn't) but I figured they would be a little understanding.  

I think they were as understanding as they could be in the moment of surprise.  We have been with this provider for so long I don't think they expected me to go anywhere else.  But their reaction caught me off guard and it seemed like they were angry with me and objected to the testing.  

Needless to say, I sort of lost it after that phone conversation.  And it took a lot for me to calm down.  I don't want to shine a bad light on this doctor.  They are competent and knowledgeable and they have cared for us for a long time.  They are excellent at what they do and I respect them VERY much.  After all, they helped us get pregnant twice.  I just hope they understand why we decided to do further testing...even if we don't find anything like they said we wouldn't, it will give me peace of mind.  *sigh*